As a mother of…well, today there are only 2 at home… a wife, and household manager, and whatever else I find to do, I often feel… useless!  My kids are getting big and are very capable of taking care of themselves.  Today there are no extra children to help along.  Let’s face it, my husband can do his job just fine without my input.  And if the house gets cleaned today will it matter in 10 years?  Probably not.

So, looking around, my days can feel pretty useless. This morning we heard a great sermon from one of our favorite churches, a little-known church in Woodhull, Illinois, Harvest Bible Church.  Though this isn’t the point of the sermon, my heart was challenged to take my frustration at feeling useless to my Father.  I thought perhaps the most encouraging testimony I could leave for my kids today was this message…

“Father,

I am thankful for how You have and continue to change me.  I want to walk like Jesus did and I want to live out of the Holy Spirit’s anointing.  Open my eyes and my ears. Reveal to me what You want me to do.  Right now, that is not leading and teaching – which wow… is so sad to say.  I don’t know why, but it does hurt.  BUT YOU DO have other things for me to do. 

Help me to understand and participate in Your plan.  To hold nothing back from You, including my joyful and happy attitude.  To be wholehearted.  To not be resigned to “being” useless – but confident You are using me in the most effective way possible, for Your Glory, for the biggest impact for Your Kingdom…. …by providing comfort for my kids, offering words of encouragement through emails, holding hands with my dear friend nearing the end of her life when she doesn’t even recognize me anymore, making crafts for children I’ve never met, being available to foster children, thanking the McDonald’s lady, feeding my kids, doing laundry, cleaning toilets, giving hugs and kisses, praying for friends… worshiping You!

Father, You have laid out a plan for me with Good things to do.  Change my mindset to see the things that I think are useless as most valuable to You. 

I love You, P”

“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”

Romans 12:2

Do you ever look at life and wonder – what’s next?  I’m going to guess you do.  I do.  I do a lot!  When things are hard, I wonder what could possibly be coming next.  I dread the future.  When things are good I think, what’s next?  I anticipate the future.  I dream of possibilities.  I crave the next good deed God has laid out for me to do. 

In 2021, I’m more bewildered than dreading or anticipating.  Recently, I was praying (writing my letter to God) and I listed out questions.  I wasn’t asking for anything, or complaining or praising.  What I realized was I had a list of unknowns.  What is God going to do this coming year?

I’ve heard so many comments of how much better this year will be – so much thankfulness for the completion of 2020.  Was 2020 worse than other years?  Possibly – for some.  However, I can’t say it was our worst year.  For a variety of reasons, it goes on our list of the best years we’ve had.  So much time and so many fun projects…  Great memory making moments…  We won’t forget this year.  We will share our 2020 silly stories for decades to come.  I’m anticipating decades from now our grandkids asking us — what was it like to live through the global covid-19 pandemic?  I will be able to tell them about remodeling 5 bathrooms in one year (no, I don’t have a 5-bathroom house!!).  Silly stories about raising up a house with a car jack.  Girls I love, who stole my heart and then left.  And the privilege of spending a long summer watching each of my kids stretch, strive and grow in amazing ways.

Who knew?

I had not anticipated these things for 2020.  I dreaded a million-dollar lawsuit pending against us, an overwhelming school, sports and 4-H schedule, the distance of my oldest who I had little hope of seeing much of again.  All that I dreaded was changed, shifted, transformed into blessing upon blessing.

When I think back on 2020, I wonder.  What is next in 2021?  With what has happened, how can I dread?  I can’t possibly imagine all that God can do. 

I’ll keep you posted on what’s to come, while we wait…

Where will Ry be in June?  What ministry has God prepared for us? What school plan will Cale and Beth have? What children will live in our home?  …and so many more questions.  What is God going to do this coming year?

Blessings for you and your family as you anticipate 2021.  Much love to you and yours.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV

Isn’t it funny how things get connected in our heads?  For me, music is a great connector.  Right now, I am driving in the middle of the night through various states.  It’s dark and Switchfoot is singing along with me.  Okay… really I am trying to keep up rocking with them…  I’ll not share that skill with y’all.  Suddenly – I’m filled with a mix of emotions.  What is that? 

It’s been more than 6 years since our family made a late night drive to candidate for a pastorate.  The joy, the anticipation.  We drove through the dark in anticipation of meeting people we had fallen in love with long before we ever saw them in person.  And the heartbreak God walked us through was so much more than I could bear when we had to leave that place.  Funny. Even today the pain exists and I know God knew I would go through it before we ever left.  But I see now all the amazing ways He protected us, grew us, cares for us and used us.   It’s the emotions of all of that I am reminded of on this late-night, cross-country drive. 

As I listen again to those same songs… I’m going home. Only this time, I am going to a second home… To visit my daughter!  Oh, how life moves and changes.  The song playing is still painful as I can still see where we were as we drove that highway so very long ago on a night like this.  But the sweetness of looking back to see all God has done makes it worth it.  I’d rather remember with the swirl of emotions than not remember at all.  Think of all the opportunities to praise God I would have missed! 

On this dark night I’ll enjoy the stars, the quiet, the joy of the full van of people I adore and the anticipation of arriving into my girl’s warm embrace, even well after midnight!  And… be thankful for the blessings that were present in those dark days. 

Oh and thanks Switchfoot for music that reminds me of my true home…

“Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things He does for me.”

Psalms 103:2 NLT

I’ve never actually been asked which child was my favorite.  I could have children with deplorable curiosity.  But I am pretty sure it has more to do with always having each of them be my favorite.  It was easy, “You are my very favorite Cale!” …my favorite Jessie, my favorite Ry…  Well, at least it worked until we had two children who had the same name!  God has a sense of humor! 

 As they got older they became each others’ favorites.  Now it goes… “Oh, my favorite sister who is older than me with different color hair than me!” “Oh my favorite brother with the same color hair as me.”  Distinctions have become key. 

As I have gotten to be Mom to well over a dozen children, I find it’s the distinctions that do allow me to find my favorites.  Everyone has a special part.  Something to be cherished, appreciated, encouraged and adored.  And I love to find it! 

God is just like that.  He spent precious time designing a special part for every single person.  Before we were even known to be He was planning, designing and creating that special part of each of us.  He spent time pondering my future.  He looked forward to the day I would say “Yes!” to Him.  He saw my tears and fits of laughter.  He saw the day I met my husband and feel so deeply in love with the man I SHOULD NOT have (oh, a great story for another day).  He saw me inside and out.  And He loved me.  I became His favorite.

When I can’t figure out what on earth I am doing, I can look at those favorites of mine around me and remember I have distinctions too.  I am someone’s favorite!  I am the favorite of the One who truly matters.

And so are you!

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

Psalms 139:14-16 NLT

My heart is crushed right now!  It’s not a new emotion.  In fact, as a foster parent, it’s a common emotion.  I can’t tell you how many people have asked me over the years how I can do it – let them go back.  Like I somehow have the magic answer to it not hurting and not feeling.  Want to know the secret. It is magical.  It’s a mystery.  But I don’t hold the key.  It’s Jesus.  It’s knowing that in everything that I do and hope He has great skill ability and care, so much more than I do.  I never walk it alone. 

So today I am crushed.  The days are counting down when I will know the next steps: will they come back to me or stay with others for good?  I had to say goodbye and when I close my eyes I see their teary eyes and blank stares.  How could I leave them?  They depend on me. 

We all have moments when the world crashes on us.  Moments when it’s hard to breath.  It can come from hearing about the actions of our children, the loss of a dear friend, or some pronouncement we received.  But as I sit hear tearfully praying, little by little Jesus tells me how much He loves ‘my’ little ones that I said goodbye to.  I ask Him how to survive this.  And He reminds me that this is what being poured out is.  It’s pouring out myself for others.  Its pouring out my stuff.  Its pouring out my heart.  It’s making sure nothing is left of me – and then, I can be filled with Jesus.   That’s the magic formula. 

Give it all.  Give it all and let Jesus take care of everything. 

I do have a question for all those who ask the question… “How can we give them back after you have so deeply loved them?” 

What did Jesus do for you? 

When you figure that out, you’ll know the answer to your question.  😊 

I’ll take being crushed in this life, if I can have the chance to show and tell these hurting little ones how much Jesus loves them! Because, I might get to see them again, in the next life!

“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.”

Philippians 2:17 NLT

I had had it!  Done, desperate.  I was going to get… the tape measure! 

Ever have a child who cannot grasp the concept of the importance, or lack of importance in some cases, of a day, month or even year?  Though this swirly mess of learning was actually first conceived with a dear friend of mine well into her adult years, I have enjoyed twisting and turning with teens mostly. 

A teary teen whose world is over after a two-month relationship break up. An oblivious teen who thinks playing Youtube videos for hours on end is okay and school just a bother. Both missing the perspective of time.  And why wouldn’t they be?  It’s a tough concept and I think it’s only tougher now than when I was growing up.  Instant oatmeal and no wait Scan&Go’s at Sam’s Club can make one impatient even with the microwave!  So… I grab the tape measure – 100 foot please.

Starting with their current age I start to unwind one foot for every year.  13 years old?  13 feet. I explain we are going to take one foot for every year of life… one inch for every month… one quarter inch for every week.  We talk about where they were at certain marks. If they are important getting to their current age.  Then I ask for their life goals… How old do you want to be before you die?  Surprisingly I’ve never had anyone under 85.  Then career ideas, college, marriage, retirement, children, grandchildren anything that will help them consider common goals they really do have.  Surprisingly, I find asking about grandchildren is better before asking about marriage or children.  Most like the idea of legacy before commitment.

Then we work through all those goals.  We start to put things into perspective.  One bad school year, a broken relationship or a commitment’s effect versus the remaining years of their lives.  Whatever it is that they just aren’t getting their head wrapped around compared to the time ahead of them, feet upon feet of the tape measure.  As the piles of the tape measure twist and turn around the room, their feet and anyone nearby — the light comes into their eyes….  They have a lot of life to live.  And even at 60 feet out of 85 you can see there is so much more to be done!  So much opportunity!  It’s not too late. 

But that is just the beginning. 

With my biggest, prettiest bowl I find the tiniest piece of crumb or lint I can.  In the pretty, clean bowl I drop that crumb.  If you look hard you can see it in there… really hard.  That crumb represents the tape measure of their life.  The bowl contains Eternity.  All those struggles in life amount to so little when compared to Eternity.  But the consequences are grave indeed.  What you do here will allow you to go where you want in Eternity.  Who do you want to take with you?  And what are you willing to give up for it?  What does it count for now….  Is the sacrifice so great? 

Eternity is so great.  And the foot, inch, and quarter inch are so small. 

Getting lost in the maze of this life? Perhaps you can take a measurement of where you are.

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”

Colossians 3:17

“Of all the Charlie Browns in the World you’re the Charlie Browniest!” could have easily been used to describe me at Christmas.  We lived the Christmas dream.  Santa visited our family and handed out a gift each year. Our kids had a personal picture and experience to remember.  We had plenty of gifts.  More than 15 dishes were prepared for the Christmas dinner.  Custom Christmas PJ’s every year, opened on Christmas Eve just after we read the Christmas story.  Santa led his sleigh of eight tiny reindeer across our fabulously decorated credenza. 

So why did I feel empty and disappointed every year.  I needed Linus to tell me what Christmas was all about.  Because I sincerely hoped this wasn’t it!

Then one year we had the mayhem of Christmas that none of my kids will forget.  22 people ripping paper and packages apart in a frenzy that was …overwhelming! “Thank you, Santa”s could be heard from places around the room. The paper was swept away and a table set.  Dinner lasted 15 minutes – following days of preparation.  And then the couches were filled with drowsy parents.  I looked for my kids in the mayhem to see what they got for Christmas.  Who could track anything going on?  But they were long gone with their cousins and I was left at the empty table waiting for…the Joy. 

On our drive home I asked the kids about what they got.  It wasn’t until we were home that we discovered that at least 2 gifts were long gone.  The missing delights could have been added to another’s pile of treasure or simply swept up with the paper and long taken to the garbage dump.  Who would know, they were gone. Then we all realized we really didn’t know how much was missing, because we didn’t have clue what had been given by other people.  But what I realized, more than anything, was that the only person who heard thanks was… Santa!  Santa?!  Yes, everyone repeatedly said thanks to…Santa!

I was done with this!  This couldn’t be what God intended for Christmas.  So slowly and methodically (like I do things any other way?) we started to process through what we wanted to do to celebrate the Savior’s Birth.

Now, for the record, I am not against St. Nicholas.  The Saint was a wonderful inspiration.  The tale is fun to tell children to encourage imagination.  But I wasn’t loving the idea that Santa got all the gratitude for Christmas.  #ThanksSanta was going!  I was looking for #ThankYouJesus.  Romans chapter 1 lines out how so many issues in our world can be traced back to the churches lack of giving THANKS!  It was high time to change this in my house! 

So, Jeremy and I kicked out Santa!  We were done.  He was dead and Jesus was alive.  Jesus would be getting our praise! The tree went up.  The decorations out.  A nativity was placed in every room in our house.  Gone was a visit from Santa asking for more stuff. The stockings stayed in the box and a new box was found under the tree that year.  A converted cardboard box and repurposed scrap of muslin fabric now held a bundle of small gifts -to be opened second- was under the tree – the Manger, filled with manger gifts, wrapped up like a swaddled bundle.  On top of that sat a star-shaped box that held a most dear gift – the First Gift of Christmas. 

The morning was simple.  Our new tradition wasn’t widely accepted, but that was okay.  We read and acted out the Christmas story, then opened the first gift of Christmas – Baby Jesus (as many as we could gather were held in the star-shaped box).  All those nativities’ Jesus were now placed around the house.  Jesus was born. We continued by opening gifts in the manger, celebrating that God gave us the greatest gift ever in the manger that first Christmas morning.

 And all I heard that morning was “Thank You Jesus!” 😊

Ahhh…  This was what Linus meant.  Jesus is worth celebrating, feasting and toasting, and giving to others.  Though I miss those who didn’t enjoy our changed celebration and went their own way, Christmas is filled with Joy for our family now.  And I hope that with however you are able to celebrate, Jesus’ Birthday it is filled with thanks for Jesus that leads to Joy!

“The Good News is about his Son. In his earthly life he was born into King David’s family line,”

Romans 1:3

Thank you, Jesus, for giving up your life in Heaven to come here for me.  Thank you for humbling yourself on the first Christmas!  I truly love you for it!

Merry Christmas to all!

Warning!

All the incidents you are about to read are true and without exaggeration. And should I have the need, I’d do it again!

With 6 children in a house, arguing can happen.  Accidents are plentiful and blaming can become commonplace.  But on this particular day I was one “b-lame” beyond what I was willing to tolerate (nope, not a momma supportive of toleration!).  Accidents are real and need to be cleaned up, but when the “Be Lame” game gets into full swing the accident (which needs no correction) doesn’t get cleaned up.  And now I have to correct -Yuck!

…side note: for all those kids out there, no mom likes to correct their kids, we just love you so much that we do it.  It’s like cleaning the toilet, we don’t like the stink!

So I decided they needed a clear understanding of what they were doing.  And I was beyond talking!  In the Goodwill pile was a mug.  It was a dinosaur mug that needed to live somewhere else.  Perfect!!  I placed it on the kitchen table. I went downstairs quietly and brought back the biggest hammer I could find (pretty sure it was a 4 lb sledge – I didn’t want something wimpy!).  Holding the hammer behind my back, I called everyone to the kitchen.  I asked them about their current heart actions.  Hearing only crickets, I pulled out the hammer and smashed that mug with my best Hollywood-style swing!  If you were watching in slow motion you would have seen the shards fly in all directions.  Glints of green and white scattering to distant corners like sand in a wind storm! Oh, the crickets weren’t even singing now.  I wish I could have videoed their expressions.  I had their full, undivided attention.

We went on to talk about what needed to happen now.  After going a few rounds of “Name That Offender” they finally figured out that the mug had to be cleaned up. (Though they did suggest we glue it back together – but no number of King’s men could put this one back together again!) It didn’t matter who smashed it to smithereens.  It was a mess.  And a dangerous one.  Being Lame – blame – wouldn’t accomplished what truly mattered.  Only a broom and dust pan and their happy hands could get this job done. 

Isn’t that how it is with our own messes?  Sitting around feeling sad about our failings won’t help us.  We just need to get in there with God and clean it up.  The Holy Spirit knows all the details and we just need to take the time to settle it with Him.  We need to clean it up with Him.  The great part is the way He cleans it is by putting the pieces back together for us!  It’s truly amazing how that happens. 

If you are spending your day blaming and dodging the work of clean up, save yourself a mug… just go to the Father for some house cleaning.  He is ready! Are you?

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

1 John 1:9 NLT